food, snow and hope.

I don't know what's going on with me and food lately. I don't have any interest in cooking, I always feel hungry, but I never actually want to eat any of the food that's around.

I wonder if I've gained any weight yet... I've been the same exact weight with every check up, but I feel like I've been eating more lately. I should be interested in food, I know I'm hungry! But what I really want is to go out for dinner.

Today is the second snow, Rosie was actually outside for the flakes falling this time :) It seems to be sticking for the moment, but I don't think it'll last yet. We've been decorating for Christmas already, and I've been looking at the first ornaments we got, back when we were thinking of having kids. They are three little stockings, One a little different from the others. Rosie has the first one, and the other two are still waiting. I'm going to give another to Micah. The third.... I think it's my hope. When I was first pregnant and sick, Phil said he never wanted another pregnancy. It would be too hard on us.

I can live with that, but part of me doesn't want to. I don't want this to be the last time I feel a baby kicking inside me, and I don't want this to be the last name I give to a child. I know I'll love other children, I'll hold other babies, whether for months or years, but I do want one more of my own. I do want another pregnancy. Secretly I'd hoped this would be twins... then it would be OK for me to stop.

Oh well, there's on little stocking, holding on hope for me.